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Those two messages were the ones that made me discover everything about my mom.So my next step would be to know where Jim was going to my see mom after dinner, and where they going to meet on Saturday.That day passed, and I had all Friday day, trying to figure out where Jim was going to fuck my mom.And that same day at Friday´s night during dinner, from the way she was dressed I saw that she was not going anywhere, so I thought she was going to talk to Jim by video call, by phone or by laptop.That night my father left the house right after dinner, and I helped my mother to clean the kitchen, at the end she went to smoke the only cigarette she smokes a day, divided in two, the first part smokes after she clean the kitchen and the second one before she going to bed.During that, she didn't leave our house, she did not pick up the phone many times, she didn't even use her laptop and she only answered two or three calls until I went to my room ... leaving me to think that Jim didn't see. Once I had booked my visit, I phoned the University Arms, reserved my usual room, took a handful of Mogadon, and put myself to sleep for as long as possible.Driving up the A10 the next morning, through familiar towns and villages, I cried as I thought of what my life had become. I had everything and nothing at all, the poor little rich girl to the perfect T. All I had left to cling to was, to put it bluntly, the questionable potential of compassion from high-class S&M prostitute. A sophisticated and un-tart-like whore, whom I paid for sex, paid to punish me for being alive. Who as far as could tell thought next to nothing of me, and treated me like a piece of meat when I was in her presence. Perhaps this would be the last time ... I sang the old Stones song to myself to keep the tears at bay. But the song said 'Last time maybe, I don't know, ' and I didn't. I didn't know anything worth knowing; I didn't know myself, or my own mind.Thoughts of suicide were becoming more tempting than.
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